Mercedes gilds the silly with 2017 smart fortwo Brabus Perfomance Package

2017 smart fortwo Brabus Sport Package cabrio

2017 smart fortwo Brabus Sport Package cabrio (European model shown)

CarBuzzard isn’t The Onion, that satirical website that posts ludicrous stories that all too frequently get taken seriously. This is a real story and they’re really serious about it, it being a Brabus Sport Package for the smart fortwo coupe and Cabrio.

Really.

Here’s what the Brabus Sport Package from the celebrated Mercedes tuner Brabus gives to Mercedes-Benz’s city car: Cosmetics include a matte grey rear diffusor un matte gray and and Brabus front spoiler and rear in body color.

The 2017 Smart fortwo Brabus Performance Package gets a suspension kit that lowers the smart 0.4 in (10 mm) compared to the standard ride height, and includes a stiffer anti-roll bar and Brabus-tuned shock absorbers. Mercedes says it “ensures a sporty ride and improves handling and driving dynamics.”

Give credit, too, to a staggered wheel and tire setup. Monoblock IX wheels in matte grey, 16-inch front and 17-inch rear come with Yokohama summer performance tires, 185/50 R16 and 205/40 R17 respectively. The wheels also get exclusive Brabus center caps.

Inside the 2017 smart fortwo gets grey stitching on a special Brabus 3-spoke multifunction sport steering wheel and Brabus logos on the gear knob and handbrake lever. Brushed stainless steel sport pedals continue the illusion of performance.

At least the smart fortwo Brabus Sport Package with the “twinamic” six-speed dual-clutch transmission has paddle shifters. The manual transmission is still available on Brabus Sport Package models.

The resulting 2017 smart fortwo Sport Package looks like a six year old dressed up in shoulder pads and cleats, and with the stock engine, the larger wheels and tires likely take an tiny edge off the standard fortwo’s circa ten-second 0-60 time, the stock 89-horsepower three-cylinder stuffed behind the seats remaining the same.

No price for the smart fortwo Brabus Performance Package has been announced, but it arrives in your smart dealer’s showroom this fall. Chalk it up as gilding the silly, and again, The Onion has not gone into the automobile business.