‘Dallas Car Sharks’ means it’s time for ‘reality’ shows to jump the shark

Volocity sinkingIsn’t it time for “reality” shows to have jumped the shark? Or better, real sharks jumped reality shows.

We know they’re cheap to make, but the format is getting tired. For some of us, it was never very bright eyed and perky anyway.

But now there’s a new one. Velocity is unveiling Dallas Car Sharks, which we’re told “takes viewers to the Lone Star State where car enthusiasts from across America gather to participate in the ultracompetitive world of car flipping.”

If car flipping were anything like cow tipping, this might be a fun show. But no, in each episode, “tempers flare and rivalries ignite” as…as three typically colorful used car lot owners go to a used car auction and—be still my heart—buy cars.

Dallas Car Sharks “features its fair share of personalities,” we’re told. Oh, definitely personalities. We’re not making this up:

Tommy “The King” Spagnola, a true Texas family man who turns tough when it comes to turning over cars. “The King” has been in the business for 30 years with a family-run auto lot featuring a massive, museum quality show room. Ash “The Wise Guy” Rabah is the sometimes cocky, independent dealer who goes after cars across the spectrum and whose brash personality puts him smack dab into conflicts with the other sharks, especially Tommy. Martha Davis, known as “Mother Hen”, battles with being a woman in the used car world but is determined to succeed in order to provide for her family. “Mother Hen” loves to compete with and get the best of the “big boys”.

Yeah, you go, girl. Get the best of those big boys.

What exactly goes on? Well, we wouldn’t be the spoiler even if we could, but here’s their description of what happens in the first episode:

“A packed auto auction means tough bidding wars for the Car Sharks, but they soon discover the winning cars are not as they seemed. Martha’s 2000 Crown Victoria police cruiser hides a secret that leads her to a salvage yard, Ash’s 1968 Pontiac GTO stalls on the way home, and Tommy’s 2007 Dodge Ram truck is a complete mystery with a broken odometer. The Sharks can only hope they have gambled on the right vehicles to turn a profit.”

Oh, no, a used car stalls on the way home. Chills, folks. Absolute chills.

Seriously, it would be more exciting to watch the custodian run the floor buffer down at the junior high. Or golf.

Dallas Car Sharks debuts, oh, sometime or another, on Velocity, of course.

For us, we’re going to YouTube to watch cat videos. Cats never jump sharks.